Marriage, same-sex marriage. What is all the fuss about?

marriage, n.
The condition of being a husband or wife; the relation between persons married to each other; matrimony. The term is now sometimes used with reference to long-term relationships between partners of the same sex. (Oxford English Dictionary online)

The Californian Supreme Court’s ruling in favour of the legalization of same-sex marriage has sparked much media debate. Will the social and cultural meaning of marriage be changed forever? If so will it be for better or for worse? By granting homosexual couples the right to marry the court goes against the argument that marriage should be reserved for the union of a man and a women, as per ‘tradition’.

What is the ‘tradition’ of marriage? Is it the same as a traditional wedding? Surely not, the latter could almost be said to have morphed into marketing jargon to be used by wedding planners keen to keep the lucrative ‘fairytale wedding’ dream alive. The very nature of marriage has changed, and will continue to do so, in line with the evolution of society. What is deemed socially acceptable today is a far cry from that of recent decades. I searched for articles on same-sex marriage in IBSS to better understand the controversy surrounding gay marriage. Here I found a surprisingly vast array of articles and books on homosexual marriage in regions ranging from the USA, Latin America, Canada, the Netherlands, Britain and South Africa to name but a few, with articles dating back as far as the early 1950s (covering societal issues concerning marriage), and the early 1970s (with a focus on same-sex marriage).

In the swinging ‘60s marriage was often deemed to be old fashioned. This mood is aptly captured in Nina Simone’s song, Marriage is for Old Folks, in which she sings “One husband, one wife, what do you got? Two people sentenced for life”. Along with social change the meaning embedded in the term ‘marriage’ inevitably changed too. As divorce became more common the tradition of being married ‘till death do us part’ lost much of its meaning. In a similar way the term ‘family’ no longer signifies what it once did. The nuclear family continues to change shape. Divorce, while perhaps not favoured, is now socially accepted. If society can radically redefine the core meaning of ‘family’ and ‘marriage’ than why is it so hard to include those in the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) community?

Same-sex marriage has become such a hot topic that it has even found its way on to the American presidential election campaign. On one hand a rather uncomfortable looking John McCain can be seen voicing his opposition to gay marriage on the Ellen DeGeneres show. DeGeneres, one of the most famous lesbians in the United States, plans to marry her long-term partner in the coming months. Barack Obama, on the other hand, is in favour same-sex marriage. Public opinion on this issue in the coming months may greatly contribute to the outcome of the presidential elections. Can the social meaning of one little word really be weighted with such importance?

If marriage had failed to evolve over time I doubt it would continue to prove so popular today. The first steps toward legalizing same-sex marriage in many countries has been to grant homosexual couples the right to a civil partnership whereby they have similar, if not the same, legal rights as married couples. While a positive first step in the quest for equal rights, such partnerships fail to capture the essence of marriage. To take a simplistic view of marriage, not everyone who weds does so purely to get their paperwork in order. Where is the romance in that? As declared by the Supreme Court of Massachusetts in 2003, denying same-sex couples the right to marry “violated constitutional principles of respect for individual autonomy and equality” (Pinello, Daniel R., 2006. America’s struggle for same-sex marriage ). The “fight for same-sex marriage is about honouring the feelings that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) individuals have for their partners” (Alderson, Kevin G., 2004. A phenomenological investigation of same-sex marriage ).

Why is marriage so complicated? Should it not be available to all couples who wish to be wed in the eyes of the law? Or should religious beliefs govern ones right to marry? The recent Church of England wedding-style blessing service carried out for two gay clergymen has proved highly controversial in the religious community. (Hammond-Sharlot, Rhonda and Booth, Penny, 2008. Talking shop: same-sex marriage and the Church of England ). Attitudes towards same-sex marriage vary greatly across religious denominations (Olson, Laura R., Cadge, Wendy and Harrison, James T., 2006. Religion and public opinion about same-sex marriage ). Do we marry because we are religious or because we are in love?

I have been engaged to the love of my life for just over a year. I am by no means a religious person nor would I consider myself to be traditionalist or old fashioned in anyway but for some reason, a reason I cannot explain, I long to be married to my beloved. I like to think it’s the romantic in me that wishes to wed. In much of the media coverage I have read on this hot topic there has been little or no mention of romance. Should love and marriage go hand in hand? For me at least, marriage should be available to all couples who chose to enter into a(n ideally) life-long union. Rather than hearing Nina Simone’s views on marriage I prefer to listen to the more sentimental and romantic words of Sinatra as he sings “love and marriage…you can’t have one without the other”.